Eucharistic Miracle

                I went on my first ACTS (Adoration, Community, Theology, Service) retreat twelve years ago.  It was our second Women’s ACTS retreat for our beloved parish.  Before the retreat, I didn’t think my walk with the Lord could get any better or closer.  I was so wrong!  It seems to me that God never runs out of intimate ways to reveal Himself to us.

                I had experienced many beautiful, powerful encounters with Jesus growing up in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal.  I participated in weekly prayer meetings with my mother, and then on my own in college, and after I got married.  I witnessed first hand God’s incredible healing love poured forth abundantly upon His people.  In amazement and wonder, I soaked it all in.  I went into the ACTS retreat convinced that my relationship with Jesus was all that it could be.  Little did I know that God’s will for me was quite different.  I cannot get over His tender mercy, faithfulness, and patience with me.

                The ACTS retreat was the perfect setting to draw even closer to God.  James 4:8a says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”  I experienced Jesus drawing near both spiritually, on Saturday night, and physically on Sunday morning.

                During the dinner on Saturday night, I remember thinking that it would have been nice to drink wine instead of grape juice.  I literally had not slept for two nights due to my over-excitement just being at the retreat.  I acknowledged the small sacrifice we were making, by drinking grape juice, even though I would have preferred to make that evening more special with wine.

                Back in my room, I tried to fall asleep, and couldn’t.  I lay for several hours until finally I got down on my knees to pray, with the intention of asking Jesus why I couldn’t fall asleep.  That was all the Lord needed.  He had been waiting for me.  He had something new to show me.  In the Renewal, the Lord blessed many people with visions to confirm the reality of His love for us and to aid in our healing.  I had been content with the fact that I did not have the gift of seeing visions.  I figured that the Lord knew best what I needed, and that it wasn’t necessary for my faith in Jesus.

 But, Oh!, I didn’t know what I was missing!  James 1:17a says, “all good giving and every perfect gift  is from above, coming down from the Father of lights,…”  My spiritual life took on a whole new dimension that night.  I could see things with the eyes of my heart that I could not see before.  My prayer life will never be the same.  Luke 11:13 says, “If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?"

On Sunday morning at the 10:30 return Mass in the cafeteria, Jesus drew near once again.  I will never forget the tears of joy in her eyes, when a dear friend of mine, who had been at the retreat and who was a Eucharistic Minister, told me how afraid she was of running out of wine during Holy Communion.  She only had two sips left in the chalice, and she still had a long line of retreatants to serve.  The tears ran down her cheeks as she told me how the cup of wine, Jesus’ Blood, did not run dry.  She kept looking into the chalice, expecting it to be empty, but there was always enough wine for the next person.  I recalled the sensation of wine bubbling up from the bottom of the cup when I took a sip.  I was struck by the thought that Jesus took our grape juice sacrifice over the weekend, and turned it into an abundant wine blessing, a miracle!

                I learned from my ACTS retreat that there are new heights of joy to discover in knowing Jesus.  There are surprising depths of love yet to experience, and there is an unshakable peace in seeking and doing God’s will that never grows old.

My Testimony - God is Real!

              Saint Paul said to Timothy, “…do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord.” 2 Timothy 1: 8  When I read this, I realized that the Lord was asking me to write down my testimony.  It is my story about the first time that the Lord revealed His undeniable Holy Presence to me.  I did not initiate it.  He did.  I read God’s Holy Word many times before this encounter, but nothing like this happened to me until this very special night.

            It was late, about 11:00 at night.  I was living in New York with my family.  I was a Junior in high school.  I had just finished my homework, and I was very tired, but I decided to read the bible before going to bed.  I was in the habit of just letting the pages of my bible fall open to wherever God wanted me to read.

            This night the pages fell open to Romans, chapter 4.  I began reading about how Abraham was justified by faith, and not by his works.  “What then can we say that Abraham found, our ancestor according to the flesh?  Indeed, if Abraham was justified on the basis of his works, he had reason to boast; but this was not so in the sight of God.  For what does scripture say? ‘Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.’  A worker’s wage is credited not as a gift, but as something due.” Romans 4: 1-4

            As I read these words, I felt as if God was speaking directly to my heart.  When I read, “justified on the basis of works,” I immediately thought about my homework and my grades.  I was trying so hard to please everybody – my parents and my teachers, especially.  I had the 3^rd highest grade point average in my class of 200 students.  I was woefully sleep-deprived from being on the cross-country running team, and trying to keep up with my homework.  I was very hard on myself.  I realized that I was pleasing everybody else, but I was not happy.  No matter how hard I worked, I didn’t feel justified.  There was something missing.  I couldn’t put my finger on it.  I was empty inside, hurting, and lonely.

            I was surprised at how the words in the bible came alive.  How did God know that those words would touch me so deeply?  I felt like God was with me, full of wisdom, and shedding light on my inmost thoughts.

            I read, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”  This thought was so freeing!  All I had to do was to believe in God!  I could still work hard, but it is the Lord who justifies me, and takes care of my righteousness.  I didn’t need to carry that burden.

In the next bible verse I read, “A worker’s wage is credited not as a gift, but as something due.”  I felt like something was due to me because of all my hard work, however, the concept of a “gift” captured my attention.

            I was still in awe about the power of God’s Word when I realized that I was not alone.  The Holy Presence of the Lord filled my bedroom, my heart, my mind, and my very soul.  I felt God’s Love for me like never before.  The Lord spoke to my heart so clearly.  He said, “I am the same God as the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.  I am giving you three gifts that you cannot earn.  I give you My Love, I give you My Salvation, and I will hold your hand all the days of your life!”

            I was stunned.  I was smiling from ear to ear, and crying, because God’s Love for me was so strong, and so real!  My nose was running, but I couldn’t move to get a tissue.  I felt like my legs were paralyzed as I sat on my bed.

            A week before this happened, my Christian boyfriend put his hands on my head and prayed for God to become real to me.  The Lord answered his prayers!

            After awhile, I was able to move my legs and go get a tissue.  I was praising God and thanking Him for blessing me with such beautiful gifts.  I called my boyfriend, even though it was late, and I told him what happened.  The next week I told everyone what happened at the Catholic Charismatic prayer meeting, that I attended each week with my mom.  This is my testimony.  I cannot wipe this smile off my face or erase this joy from my heart for all that the Lord has done for me!

            Saint Paul also tells Timothy, “…stir into flame the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands.”  2 Timothy 1: 6   So now, I will stir into flame these gifts, for you.  The Lord has shown me many times that the gifts He blesses me with are not just for me.  He asks me to give them away.  God asks me to give Him away, to share Him.

            So, I want you to know that the gifts God gave to me, He is giving to you, too.  Yes, God is blessing you with three gifts that you cannot earn.  The Lord is blessing you with His Love.  The Lord is blessing you with His Salvation.  And, the Lord will hold your hand all the days of your life!  God is blessing you with His Very Self, through His Holy Word, and His Holy Eucharist.  Praise the Lord and thank Him!  Jesus loves you!!

            This is my prayer for you:  “Oh, Sweet Jesus, please place Your pierced Hands on the heads of all those who believe in You.  Merciful Jesus, please make Yourself known to them.  May You become real to them!  In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen!!” 

“For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control.”  2 Timothy 1: 7

Inner Healing

Jesus spoke these words to my heart in 1994, when I learned that a close family member was getting a divorce.  Jesus speaks these words to all of our hearts.

2/20/94      For anybody who needs inner healing…

“My Child, I am in each and every wound in the fabric of your life.  Where there are holes of misunderstanding, tears of confusion, and breaks of uncertainty, I am there.  I know of each and every hurt you ever received.  I felt them one by one as I was nailed to the cross.  I cried for you to My Father in heaven.  I bled for you drops of blood so pure, that any stain in your life fabric could be washed clean away.  I prayed for you so intently that My Father would give you a new life because I gave you My Life.”

“I am the new, strong thread that weaves new fabric of healing and love in your life.  I own all your wounds.  I paid for them on the cross.  All your hardships are My Hardships.  All your tears are My Tears.  I am one with you.  I know you because I dwell in your heart.  I see day to day the life you live.  I am ever watching over you, My Child.  I long to make you whole, to mend your broken threads, to patch your gaping holes, to seal your painful tears.  I know you all too well, My Child.  There is nothing that can come between us, between you and My Love for you.”

“I left Myself wide open for love of you.  I took your insults, your mockery, your doubt, and I still love you.  I took all the hatred the world could throw at Me, and I absorbed it in My Sacred Heart.  See, love conquers death!  Love conquers all evil.  I have triumphed over sin, Satan, and death.  I have risen to glorious new life.  I have the power to give you what I have – a new life, a whole new fabric.”

“Have faith, My Child.  Believe in Me, for I can certainly weave a new beginning for you.  I can certainly heal your wounds so deep with my compassion, love, mercy, and understanding, and most of all, with forgiveness.  You must learn to forgive.  You must learn to let go of hatred and mistrust.  You have the power to decide that you will no longer hold onto grudges that bind you.  You can be free, truly free from all that pulls you down.  I can set your heart free indeed.”

“Be patient.  It takes time to mend, to heal.  I am the Master Weaver.  I know exactly where you need healing, because I dwell there, in your wounds.  Come to Me, My Precious One, to each wound that you have, and together we will love, and forgive, and show mercy, and have compassion, on these broken threads, on these broken relationships, on these misunderstandings, on this confusion, on this uncertainty, until the fabric of your life is once again whole and new, until your heart is truly free, and you have begun a new life, weaving new fabric of love.”

“I love you, My Child.  I am here for you, and I am with you always, to the end of time.”

Journal Entry - Day 1

Monday, January 16, 2017

                Deacon K. gave the homily yesterday during Mass on Sunday morning.  He spoke about the mission, the calling, of Saint John the Baptist.  Deacon K. said that in our own prayer time, we should ask God what His calling is for each of us.

                This morning, in the middle of my rosary (the Joyful mysteries), I recognized my Lord Jesus’ holy presence.  Ah, how I am so unworthy to be in His presence!  His loving nearness sends me squirming to beg at His Feet, at the foot of His Cross, for His Forgiveness and Mercy upon me, a poor sinner!  Who I am I that He should come to me?

                Oh, how He just wants to hold me, like a little girl, and place my head so carefully and gently on His beating Sacred Heart.  His folds me in His loving arms.  Here I am safe.  Here I am completely loved.  Here I just melt, and rest.  Here I can just be me, so little, wrapped in my God’s love.

                And then I remembered what I wanted to ask Jesus.  What is Your mission, Your calling for me?  I saw with the eyes of my heart, just a willingness, on my part, to allow Jesus to be Who He Is in my heart.   I saw just an emptying of myself, and a being open to letting Jesus do His Work through me.  I saw just a resting in Jesus and in His Mother, Mary, and a trusting in them, that God’s Will would be done.

                Then Jesus spoke to my heart.  He said, “I will enliven the faith of those around you.  I will give them the joy of a relationship with Me.”  Wow!!  Praise God!!  That’s all I ever wanted for those so close to my heart, for my husband, my children, my brothers and sisters in Christ, my friends, my church family, for the whole world!

                My Lord blessed me with this beautiful image in my mind…I was underneath and in the shadows of a great lantern in my heart, burning with the love and light of Jesus Himself.  I was resting beside Mary, my holy Mother, who surrounded her Son, Jesus, with her rose petals, her graces of love and peace.  Jesus just calls me to rest here, so small, with Mary.  He will do all the rest.

                Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. day.  He said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Questions for reflection:

1.       What is God’s Will for you, just you?

2.       What are the gifts God has blessed you with?

3.       How is God calling you?

Pro-Life Healing Rosary Meditation for Luminous Mysteries

            Sometimes when I pray the rosary, my Lord Jesus shows me images in my mind.  I call it, “seeing with the eyes of my heart.”  Jesus gives me understanding of these images, sometimes while I am seeing them, and sometimes when I am writing down what I remember about them.  These are private revelations, and have not been approved by the Catholic Church.  The only reason I am sharing them is to stir up and strengthen your faith in the love that God has for you.

            The following meditations are graphic.  In His tender love, mercy, and humility, Jesus gets to the heart of the matter, as only The Master Healer can.  Jesus encounters us, and is truly present, where we need Him the most, deep in our hearts and souls.  Jesus is adept not only at physical surgery, but also spiritual surgery, healing us of things we don’t even know need healing.  These meditations reveal the compassionate love that God has for all the aborted babies, and their mothers and fathers.

            As for me, I am not worthy to receive these visions.  I am completely at God’s mercy, a poor sinner.  Only by the grace of God, and His great love for little me, could I even begin to have the courage to open my heart, and accept His forgiveness, healing, and love.   These visions are a gift from God.  My constant prayer is to be a good steward of His gifts.  I thank God from the bottom of my heart for His gifts, and I give Him all the glory, honor, and praise!  The greatest gift is Jesus, Himself!

1^st Luminous Mystery – The Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist in the Jordan River

            While praying this decade of the rosary, I saw with the eyes of my heart, Jesus standing in the amniotic fluid, in the water that surrounds an unborn baby in the womb of the baby’s mother.  Jesus was baptizing each aborted baby with the water that surrounded it!  It reminded me of the creation of the world when the Holy Spirit (a mighty wind) swept over the waters. (Gen. 1:2)  Jesus was being born into these baby’s hearts, Emmanuel, God with us!  I could not help crying!  How beautiful!  Jesus was welcoming these precious babies into His Heavenly Kingdom.  Jesus was uniting Himself with them!  Jesus united His Crucifixion with their abortions.  They died with Jesus, and they will be resurrected with Jesus!  Praise God!

2^nd Luminous Mystery – The Wedding at Cana

            While praying this decade of the rosary, I saw with the eyes of my heart, all the bones of the aborted babies put back together again, like the dry bones of the Israelites in Ezekiel 37:1-14, when they came back together, and God breathed His Life back into them.

            Each of these babies has a mother and a father.  I saw these fathers and mothers together, represented by the married couple at the Wedding at Cana.  In God’s mercy, He granted each couple, if they wanted it, the gift of a covenant marriage.  I was reminded of how in heaven God will wipe away our every tear and make all things new.  “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, [for] the old order has passed away.  The one who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’” (Rev. 21:4-5a)  No matter how messed up we have made our lives, God can always redeem us!  Praise God!

3^rd Luminous Mystery – The Proclamation of the Kingdom of God, the Call to Conversion

            While praying this decade, I saw with the eyes of my heart, how Jesus evangelized the unborn babies and their fathers and mothers!

4^th Luminous Mystery – The Transfiguration of Jesus

            While praying this decade, I saw with the eyes of my heart, how Jesus transfigured all the unborn babies and their fathers and mothers!

5^th Luminous Mystery – The Institution of the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper

            While praying this decade, I saw with the eyes of my heart, how Jesus gave Himself totally and completely to all the unborn babies and their fathers and mothers.  Jesus united Himself with each and every one of them!  Praise God!  Halleluia!!!

"Therefore, prophesy and say to them:  Thus says the Lord God:  O my people, I will open your graves and have you rise from them, and bring you back to the land of Israel.  Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and have you rise from them, O my people!  I will put my spirit in you that you may live, and I will settle you upon your land; thus you shall know that I am the Lord.  I have promised, and I will do it, says the Lord."  Ezekiel 37:12-14

Lectio Divina (Sacred Reading)

Structure of Lectio Divina Prayer Meeting:

Meditating on Scripture (Opening and Closing prayers taken from “Vision – Praying Scripture in a Contemporary Way”, by Mark Link, S.J.)

Opening prayer:

Father, you created me

and put me on earth for a purpose.

Jesus, you died for me

and called me to complete your work.

Holy Spirit, you help me

to carry out the work

for which I was created and called.

In your presence and name –

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit –

I begin my meditation.

May all my thoughts and inspirations

have their origin in you

and be directed to your glory.

Light candle and read John 8:12 and following prayer:

[Jesus said,]

“I am the light of the world…

Whoever follows me

will have the light of life

and will never walk in darkness.”

Lord Jesus, you said,

that where two or three

come together in your name,

you are there with them.

The light of this candle

symbolizes your presence among us.

And, Lord Jesus,

where you are, there, too,

are the Father and the Holy Spirit.

And so we begin our meeting

in the presence and the name

of the Father,

the Son,

and the Holy Spirit.

Praise the Lord with a Holy Spirit song and a Psalm song

Lectio Divina

1.  1st Reader reads the Scripture very slowly 2 times.  Silence for 1-2 minutes.  Each person shares just a word or phrase that attracts them.  [It is perfectly fine to say, "Pass," at anytime during the prayer meeting if you do not wish to say anything when it is your turn.  If someone passes, we will all pray the, "Our Father," prayer together, and move on to the next person.]   

2.  2nd Reader reads the Scripture very slowly.  Silence for 2-3 minutes.  Each person shares how they HEAR God's Word speaking to them, personally, or how they SEE God's Word touching just their own life.

3.  3rd Reader reads the Scripture very slowly.  Silence for 2-3 minutes.  Each person prays out loud in response to God’s Word, promising Him to do what they think God is asking them to DO today, or this week, or forever!

Call to Mission (Closing prayer) – read the following prayerfully:

We conclude our meeting

by listening to Jesus say to us

what he said to his disciples

in his Sermon on the Mount:

“You are like light for the whole world.

A city built on a hill cannot be hid.

No one lights a lamp

and puts it under a bowl;

instead he puts it on the lampstand,

where it gives light

for everyone in the house.

In the same way

your light must shine before people,

so that they will see

the good things you do

and praise your Father in heaven.”  (Matthew 5:14-16)

Blow out candle and say:

The light of this candle

is now extinguished.

But the light of Christ in each of us

must continue to shine in our lives.

Toward this end we pray together

The Lord’s Prayer:  “Our Father…”

Emmanuel - God With Us

                My Lord prepared my heart to receive Him at Christmas last Advent.  I love how He gently leads, guides, and then surprises me.  I went on a silent retreat the weekend before Thanksgiving, not knowing what to expect.  I came away from that precious time with my Lord, knowing that I still had an emotional and psychological wound that I thought had been healed, but my Lord showed me how He wanted to step in to heal me in an even deeper way.

                During the retreat Sister Miriam showed us live footage of our beloved Pope Francis closing the Holy Doors at the end of the Year of Mercy.  The fruit of my quiet prayer time was the awareness of my thirsty need to know God the Father’s love for me.  Now that the Holy Doors were closed, and I couldn’t physically walk into the Heart of God, my Father, I invited God the Father to come dwell in my heart, that I may dwell in His Heart.

 Later in prayer, I understood that all the people who entered through the Holy Doors in all the Catholic churches throughout the world, were actually entering into God the Father’s Heart, and they were purified, so that now, after the Holy Doors are closed, God the Father will enter into their hearts so that He will dwell in them, Emmanuel, and act through them to do His Most Holy and Precious Will throughout the whole world!

A few weeks later, our parish had a three-day Mission given by Father Pat Martin, a blessedly blind priest who, for thirty-eight years, daily prayed his rosary as soon as he awoke, saying, “Mary, help me to see God’s love for me today,” after each Our Father prayer of each decade of the rosary.  I was so grateful for the opportunity to go to confession with him.  I told him how I still had this wound in my heart and soul.  He raised his voice to my surprise, and said that I will always have this wound, even into all eternity!  I was shocked!

Little by little I began to understand the truth of what he said.  I used to think when God healed me of something, that the wound would not be there anymore.  Since my pain was gone, I thought my wound was gone, too.  I considered Jesus’ Wounds, on His Hands, Feet, and Side.  Even in His Glorified and Resurrected Body, Jesus said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”  (John 20:27)

I realized that I have a unique landscape of wounds in my heart and soul that nobody else has.  These are my wounds, and nobody else’s!   Maybe this is how God identifies me.  Maybe my wounds are like stars in a constellation, or “the indelible spiritual mark” of my baptism (CCC #1272), that cannot be erased, and that prove I belong to Christ.  Maybe my wounds are actually gifts, places in my heart and soul where Jesus enters in to be with me, Emmanuel, in my sufferings, and to heal me.

I could see and feel for once in my life that Jesus dwelling in my wounds could be more than enough strength I need to conquer my fears with love, and to give myself in loving service to others, completely and unconditionally, like Jesus did for me on the Cross.  Father Martin said I could even love those who don’t deserve my love!

At Mass on the fourth Sunday of Advent, I was struck by the words in the gospel, “’Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel’ (which means, God with us.)”  (Matthew 1:23)  I was thinking about how the power of the Holy Spirit, the giver of life, overshadowed Mary, a virgin, to form the physical Body of Jesus, her son, who was truly with her.  During the consecration of the Holy Eucharist, I was also struck by the, “Holy Spirit coming down like the dew fall,” to overshadow the Host and transform it into the physical Body of Jesus, so that Jesus can be truly with us, Emmanuel.

 I was reminded of the Sacraments of Baptism and Confirmation, when we are baptized by the Holy Spirit.  Our virginal hearts and souls (cleansed and purified by Jesus’ Precious Blood) are overshadowed by the Holy Spirit, and Jesus is truly present with us, Emmanuel, and born into our hearts! (…a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel)  Jesus isn’t just born on Christmas Day.