“…whoever does not love a
brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from
him: whoever loves God must also love
his brother.” (1 John 4:20b-21)
I’ve always wondered about these verses in the
bible. It seemed to me that I could
actually have a very strong love for God, who I couldn’t see, and still have
great difficulty loving certain people that I could see.
Little did I realize that God was asking me to change the
way that I loved. God wanted me to have some, “skin in the
game,” to take risks, be involved with the lives of those around me, and prove
my love by my actions.
It’s easy for me to feel love for people who are
kind. It takes a certain amount of
sacrifice to love those who are bitter, resentful, angry, or just plain
mean. I can’t do this alone. What I need is Jesus’ spirit of sacrifice.
I love the rosary meditation that I heard recently for
the fourth joyful mystery, when Mary took her baby Son, Jesus, to the temple to
present Him to the Lord. In this prayer,
my brothers and sisters in Christ, who stayed after Mass to pray the rosary,
asked Mary, our Holy Mother of God, to obtain for us the spirit of sacrifice.
Later that same day, I opened a prayer book about Saint
Anthony of Padua that I received in the mail.
Even Saint Anthony encouraged people to repentance and sacrifice in
their lives. I read how Saint Anthony
was not only a finder of lost things, but more importantly, I finder of lost
souls!
That’s what I want to be – a finder of lost souls. I don’t have to travel very far to do
this. In fact, I can start with my own
family! It’s not going to take classes,
or job experience, or money. It’s going
to take my heart. It’s going to take a
decision, an act of my will, to love, no matter what.
Love is the answer, but not just any kind of love. What my heart needs is God’s agape Love –
that compassionate, merciful, forgiving, sacrificing love. This is the kind of love I need to give to my
family. My heart needs to give this kind
of love to find lost souls.
I see my family every day. Sometimes they can be the most difficult to
love. These are the precious ones that
God has put into my life. This is a
training ground of love. God knows my
heart is not perfect, and I need His help if I am going to learn how to love
like He loves. Jesus says, “As I have loved you, so you also should
love one another.” (John 13:34) At this rate, I need Jesus Himself in my heart to love my family
with agape Love!
So, how do I get this agape Love? This is how it happened for me.
I desperately
needed to know deep in my heart and soul that I was loved by God as a child,
that I am loved by God now, and that I will be loved by God forever. To know this, I needed to spend lots of time
in prayer with God, even years. God
graciously blessed me with visions of Jesus and Mary taking turns holding me as
a child in their laps, where I soaked in their love.
Eventually,
Jesus showed me something I didn’t know I had - inner wounds from
childhood. These wounds were holding me
back from becoming the person God intended for me to be, fully alive in Him. I didn’t know how to fix my heart and soul. All I knew was that my wounds had far
reaching effects into my relationships with my husband and children. I had a father-daughter relationship with my
husband, instead of a partner-partner relationship, and I had buried my
authority as a mother. I lived my life
in fear, not in love. Only God could see
the wounds that needed healing in my heart and soul. Mercifully, He set into motion certain events
in my life that would bring this about.
I
praise God that He knew exactly the steps I needed to take. He blessed me with three amazing women - a
spiritual director, a therapist, and a very close friend who wasn’t afraid to
tell me the truth! When I went to
confession at a Catholic Women’s Conference, I realized that God was asking me
to face my fears, and talk to my parents.
Talking to them was like ripping a band-aid off, but I needed to expose
my inner wounds, and give Jesus permission to touch and heal me there.
Then,
in prayer, Jesus showed me my wounds on His Body on the Cross. I saw the sacrifice that Jesus made to heal
me, because He loves me. I saw how Jesus
and I were united in this pain, and at the same time, we were united in His
healing, freeing, rising, agape Love from the Cross! “For if we have grown into union with him
through a death like His, we shall also be united with Him in the
resurrection.” (Romans 6:5)
Some
miraculous things started happening. After
twenty-eight years of marriage, my husband finally agreed to go with me to a
Worldwide Marriage Encounter Retreat!
Wow! Our communication is
improving more and more every day. Our
love for each other is growing deeper as each day passes, like a second
honey-moon! He is even playing you tube
love song videos for me during breakfast every morning!
A
beautiful transformation took place in my heart and soul. In the places where I was bound by sin, hiding,
and hurting, Jesus set me free. I am
free to love much deeper than before. I
am free to allow God’s agape Love to flow through my wounds, united to Jesus’
wounds on the Cross, and out of my heart to the hearts of lost souls. I am free to council my children with truth
and love, instead of seeking their approval.
Praise God!
Jesus
told Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska in her Diary, “When you say this prayer,
with a contrite heart and with faith on behalf of some sinner, I will give him
the grace of conversion. This is the
prayer: (Diary, 186) ‘O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of
Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You.’” (Diary, 187)
I am
so thankful to God that He not only knows how to heal me, He knows how to reach
and find the souls in my family. All I
need to do is trust in Jesus and Mary.
In prayer, I bring my family to the foot of the Cross, and entrust them
to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. In prayer,
I also bring my family to Mary, kneeling beside her lap, and entrust them to
her Immaculate Heart.
I
trust Jesus, in His Mercy, to give my family the grace of conversion. I trust Mary to bring my family to
Jesus. I trust Jesus to help me make the
sacrifices necessary for my family to see His agape Love for them through me. I trust Jesus to help me keep His commandment
to love my family. “If you keep my
commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s
commandments and remain in his love.” (John 15:10) I want to remain in Jesus’ love, as much as
possible. I want to remain in His agape Love.
I
want to love all the people that I see,
starting with my family. Then I’ll know
that I’m loving God, who I can’t see.
Then I’ll know that I’m loving God the way He wants me to love Him.
Jesus, please set my heart on fire with Your agape Love!
